The MP's ship Parliament was steaming, all-expenses-paid at full speed towards the sunlit uplands of inflation-proof, reality proof prosperity at taxpayers expense.
Reportedly, the Parliament's course would have taken it out of danger since a cloaking device known as the FOI ACT was about to be installed.
The ship's bell was engraved with the Parliamentary motto - "Because we are worth it!" but even the advanced radar on the bridge did not see the torpedo from HMS Telegraph.
The ship's defence system was brought into action, but the denials and bluster weapons could not avert disaster.
The Telegraph's sister ships, HMS Mail and HMS Express inflicted significant damage to the superstructure but an enemy vessel the Graudian was unable to assist the Parliament.
With a hole the size of Tony Bliar's ego blasted through the hull the ship was sinking.
The final blow was an over-the-horizon attack with a Police missile. This exploded on the rear deck atomising a duck house, several wide-screen TV's and a pornographic film.
Captain Gordon Brown issued orders "no abandoning ship" but senior crew members were the first to go.
A tannoy announcement in a Glaswegian accent was heard. "I'm off" - and was heard no more.
Gordon Brown was last seen clinging to the wreckage as Rear Admiral Lord Mangleson hung on to a boy.
It is anticipated that there will be some survivors.