Written by Michael Simmonite
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Wednesday, 20 March 2002

image for Time 'Criminals' To Be Penalised! Clock detector vans to round up offenders!
You just watch yourself!

The government has issued a stern warning to the British public: put your clocks forward before 2am on the 31st of March and face the consequences. "It is an offence and legal action will be taken against any offenders," Time Minister, Gerald Smith told us last night.

"British Summertime officially begins at 2am on the 31st of March - and not just when it is convenient sometime during Saturday evening," he said.

"It's not as if it won't last long. I mean, we've got it until October and people still want more!" The irate Minister ranted. "People have got to stop being so greedy. It's getting ridiculous and we have to clamp down. And so any members of the public who utilise British Summertime before it officially becomes available, will have the authorities to answer to.

"People have been known to steal more than EIGHT HOURS which is an awful lot of time. It's nothing short of criminal. But be warned: the detector vans will be out in force from Saturday teatime, and offenders will be rounded up."

Mr Smith is asking for restraint and urging that people go to bed at their normal times on Saturday night, and then get up at 2am to put their clocks forward by one hour.

"It's the only fair way," he said. "If everyone does as we say, there won't be a problem.

Then we can all look forward to a good summer as it will be getting dark a lot lighter and early much later in the evenings."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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