Police today raided the home of Britain's Got Talent's fragile superstar Susan Boyle in Blackburn, Scotland, not the scabby one in Lancashire with a crap football team.
In a dramatic dawn raid, a police officer emerged to inform waiting paparazzi that Susan Boyle does indeed have a criminal record. The record in question is an old 45 on the MAM label by Dave Edmonds Rockpile called 'I Hear You Knocking' and is about somebody who hears somebody knocking on their door but refuses to let them in.
In a scenario eerily reminiscent of an old story on www.theSpoof.com about a house of horrors, police also removed some tins of cat food, a poster of singing group Take That, an allegedly obscene video of Roy 'Chubby' Brown performing live on Blackpool's North Pier and a Sinclair Spectrum computer with an old Batman game illegally copied onto a C90 audio cassette.
The police, who were not pleased, said that they were considering legal action against the singer.
More as we get it.