Small shops have been long struggling against competition from the supermarket giants, but a leading lifestyle guru from Salford has explained that there is a place among the commercial giants for the small trader.
Andy Ladd told small traders that the impersonal approach of the supermarket giants is actually a weakness. Ladd told a meeting of shopkeepers in Manchester that:
"You don't want to buy your groceries from a bored disinterested part timer who bids you a nice day, but who really wouldn't give a flying fuck if you were struck by a lightning bolt on the way out of the store.
"But you probably would like to do your shopping in an environment where everybody seems prepared to have sex wth you. And looks as though they mean it. For the girls, this would probably imply Spanish guys wearing tight fitting trousers. For the guys it would hint at approachable looking women in low cut tops flashing lots of cleavage and looking drop dead sexy. In a black bra, with stockings, wet lips, and semi closed ecstatic eyes. Preferably experienced women, who know what they're doing in the stock room."
Ladd then inexplicably rushed out of the meeting. With a pronounced limp which he didn't have beforehand. His assistant, Tray Smart told us that she'd relieve the tension.
"I don't usually do this kind of thing," she told us. "But when needs must you have to bite the bullet. Suck or swallow, it's your choice."
More when we get off internet porn sites.