Written by Blazing Saddle
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Monday, 15 June 2009

image for Animal Rights Activists say "Cull Pensioners"
Surrey hard dog looking for a victim

PETA and the ALF have called upon the government to demonstrate consistency with the BSE and Foot and Mouth Disease epidemics of a few years ago.

"The government was quick to slaughter and burn the corpses of animals with or liable to catch the diseases" said Roz Maldehyde, activist-in-charge of the Surrey ALF cell.

"All we ask is that the government shows the same care to the animal community and avoids the risk of cross-species contamination" says Maldehyde.

Pausing to sip from her organic weed smoothie (cultivated grass is a wicked luxury), Maldehyde goes on "It is well-known that the elderly are most likely to pick up swine flu. They should therefore be culled before the start of winter. This should prevent needless suffering in the animal community by minimising the risk of infection".

The PETA spokesbeing ("spokesperson" assumes that the speaker is human), Rover Chateaubriand is prepared to go further.

"We call upon the animal community to take collective action. Cats and dogs should be able to band together and take out elderly humans without fear of retribution. This is already happening in chav communities, where fighting dogs are now popular. No animal should fear prison as a consequence of direct action".

In a simultaneous development, the RSPCA has called for its inspectors to be armed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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