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Friday, 12 June 2009

image for UK Terracotta Warriors Discovered
I Belong To Dudley

Archaeologists in the UK announced this morning that an army of terracotta warriors had been unearthed during the execution of an archaeological dig near Dudley in the West Midlands.

The finding, reportedly the biggest event in UK archaeological history since early twentieth century Egyptian excavations involving Tutankhamun and Howard Carter (who was quite scarily cursed in the aftermath and subsequently died anyway) was applauded by Dudley historian Kong Forrest as an outstanding part of our heritage.

"It's a significant find," Forrest told us. "There are a total of around twelve figures so far. One of them is a dog which bears an uncanny resemblance to a pit-bull terrier, and the other eleven appear to be wearing some sort of hooded headgear and drinking from what appear to be cans of Fosters. There is also a partially excavated find of particular importance which appears to be a life sized representation of some hooligans stoning a woman on a bus with cricket balls. Although we're not quite sure yet because the archaeological people are brushing all the shit off the original sculpture with those silly little brushes they use and mugging it all up big time for the Discovery Station cameras."

Exciting news indeed (and probably all lies) but we'll bring you more as it comes in.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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