A Manchester United insider with close links to Doris, who makes the tea at Old Trafford today offered to 'blow the lid' off Cristiano Ronaldo's £80 million transfer to Real Madrid.
All Alan Shackleton wanted for his earth-shattering story was seventeen pounds in cash and a fish supper, which we were happy to provide.
Sitting at the bar in his Gorton local nursing a pint of lager and leering in the direction of a pretty barmaid's cleavage, Shackleton told us:
"The whole deal is a blatant rip off. Madrid just shelled out £80 million for a crock. Ronaldo is finished. His ankles are shot, and Fergie knows it. The lad's over the hill at 24."
We challenged Shackleton to elaborate further in order to put his testimony to the test.
"Look," he told us. "They did the same thing with Van Nistelrooy a few years back. And where is he now? Yeah, I know he's in Madrid but his arse might as well be screwed to the treatment table. Mark my words. The lad will appear as often for Real Madrid as Owen Hargreaves does for United. His legs have gone. Nice bit of business though. All that dosh for a lame duck."
No payment was made for this interview with the exception of seventeen pounds and a fish supper at £4.95.
More if we can get it cheaper.