The leader of the Nazi Party, Adick Griffler, today took to the stage in Dudley in the Blackshirt Country, to make his annual Egg Farm Putsch speech to his followers.
'People of Britain!', he opened, to the tens of thousands of empty seats at the Dudley Poultry Farmers and Cabbage Growers Club, 'the time has come! The time to say - no more to foreign eggs in our cakes and biscuits, no more to brown eggs or eggs with a few dirty marks round the edges for breakfast.'
'But yes to our cheap and nasty British battery-farmed white eggs, and yes to salmonella, brucellosis and e-coli!', and waves of loud 'Heil Griffler!' chants broke out spontaneously from two of the four people that had come along to listen to the speech.
'For too long this country has been fed a foreign diet of pizzas, salads, kebabs, pasta and - yes - fruit, and even curries. We in the Nazi Party demand a return to our traditional fare of plastic white bread, plastic red cheese, boiled cabbage and pig entrails!'
'And WHITE eggs!', and at this one of the spectators, Mrs Ethel Reddy, turned to her companion and said: 'We never 'ad any eggs during the war, white or brown, did we? They was rationed, 'cos we was fighting the Germans.'
'My 'Arold was an anti-aircraft gunner, Ermintrude, people like him saved this 'ere island from the Nazis.' 'Why is the fat man talking about eggs and food, Ethel?' 'Dunno, maybe 'e's 'ungry. Just thought I'd come in here to get out of the rain. He looks a right pervert, doesn't he? Still, we'd better listen to whatever he's droning on about, I suppose ...'
'For too long our eggs have been brown, we demand the right for our glorious and ancient white eggs to be once more on an equal egging with other eggs!' ('He seems awfully worked up about something very trivial, Ethel.' 'Well, little boys like him want to sound important, empty barrels and all that.') 'We demand all brown eggs to be sent back to where they came from!' ('Might be a bit painful for the hens, tee hee hee.')
'And we demand those eggs to be thrown out, and thrown out now! ('Throw eggs? We'd better do as he says, Ermintrude'), and the two elderly ladies had fun for the next five minutes pelting the Fuhrer with assorted speckled brown eggs, before wandering off to their local Mecca Bingo Hall.
Next week, the Nazi Party leader warns Britain that it faces 'an invasion of foreigners and foreign culture, bringing lots of interesting and improving ideas, people, traditions, languages and cuisines, and improving Britain's drastically-falling birth rate'.
Oswald Mosley was unavailable for comment, having been imprisoned on charges of treason.