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Monday, 8 June 2009

image for PM Blames Susan Boyle for Euro election defeat
Brown blames Subo for Euro defeat

As the main political parties digest the results of the European Elections, beleaguered Prime Minister Gordon Brown blames Susan Boyle for the poor election results.

Showing a poor understanding of the electoral systems he said in a press conference from Downing Street this afternoon "It is right that we had the election, and it is right that we should be shocked at the result. Unlike the conservatives who are a "do nothing party" .. we have done everything we can to influence people into voting for the the right party.

"Last week I announced that we would be giving everyone a £10 phone credit in order to vote for us in the election. It is right that we did that, and along with the other measures I announced the week before, everyone in Britain has been given the chance to be able to vote for me and my government. As a result of this disaster I will be announcing in the house later today, that this must never be allowed to happen again.

"There will be a judicial review... and I can announce that I have appointed Lord Taylor to chair a committee and look at why people chose to use their credit on voting for Susan Boyle, and did not vote for us on Thursday".

Early results suggest that many more people chose to vote for Susan Boyle and Diversity the previous Saturday than voted for the mainstream parties in the European elections last Thursday.

During his press conference Brown said "Clearly we need to listen to people and it is right that they should tell us what they think. The Home Secretary will also announce that we intend to introduce legislation to protect the country from the risk of this sort of thing happening again. In future the public will not be allowed to vote for anything up to 42, days before an election". This is minimum that the Police and Security Services say that we need in order to protect the country from the likes of UKIP and the BNP. Civil Liberty groups say the development is very concerning but will wait to hear exactly what the new measures are going to be.

The current limit is 72 Hours after that anyone wanting to hold a vote before an election must apply for an extension from a magistrate or a High Court judge.

Speaking to me, Gordon Brown said "Susan Boyle has many fans throughout the world. She had more hits than me on You Tube, and it is right that she should have more hits than me. But this is about policy and not lyrics. It is about me knowing better than anyone else, and that is why I alone am doing what I can to save the world. That is why the G20 leaders came to see me in London.

"I have cleaned up MP's Expenses, I have said things about things, I have made decisions, big decisions about big things, bigger than everyone else and I have made them on my own without anyone to help me. The people have voted and now I must show the electorate that I have listened. People are telling us that Susan Boyle was good, that she is Scottish and that she has a cat called pebbles.

"It is right that she should be good and Scottish and have a pussy, but I believe that what people really want is a strong and growing economy, job security, a free and efficient health service, and an end to child poverty by 2020. They want to know that they can trust the bank system. They want to know lots of big stuff about big stuff.

"I believe that we are doing that and people will see that we are the only party in the world that can do that"

Speaking from her home in Blackburn, Susan Boyle said in response to Gordon Brown's allegations "the best act won, the winners are very entertaining and I wish them every success".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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