Prime Mincer Gollum Brown is in hospital today following a serious assault. Doctors describe his condition as serious but stable.
The incident happened in Arramanches, in northern France, in the hours following the commemoration ceremony for the 65th anniversary of D-Day. Eyewitnesses said that Brown was leaving a meeting with Presidents Sarkozy of France and Obama of the United States when the attack occurred.
One witness said, "as Brown came out of the building, he was set-upon - very slowly - by a team of British Army D-Day veterans in a co-ordinated attack. We - I mean they - laid into him with their walking sticks, and we - sorry, they - were chanting, "it's Omaha beach, you sycophantic Jock fuckwit" as they gave him a pounding".
Members of the Scotland Yard protection team appeared to have been routed by the angry veterans, with witnesses saying that the bodyguards seemed to stand aside as the old soldiers gave Gollum a fucking good shoeing for his disrespect. No arrests were made.
The PM was taken to St. Moron's Hospital for Bewildered Politicians in Westminster, and he remains a patient there while his injuries are treated. Dr Probeya Ringpiece, Proctological Registrar at the hospital, said, "in general the Prime Minister's injuries are not life-threatening. However, given the depth of its penetration, it's going to smart a bit when we remove the zimmer frame".
President Obama was too busy looking cool to comment on the incident.