Written by Dungeekin
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Monday, 8 June 2009

Prime Minister Gordon Brown's position is under increased threat again today, after Labour suffered its worst election performance in almost a century.

Results from the European elections saw Labour lose the lead vote-share in Wales in a Parliamentary election for the first time since 1918, and a national slump in support of over 7%.

Labour's overall vote share of just 15% is their worst performance ever in a Parliamentary election, and means that under Gordon Brown, the party is now less popular than venereal disease with the electorate.

An exit poll carried out by DipshitMORI revealed that 64% of those who voted would rather have Herpes than Gordon Brown - a result borne out as the counts progressed during the night.

A straw poll carried out by The Spoof also strongly supported the results of the official poll. One voter said, "I thought about voting Labour, but then decided to catch Chlamydia from one of the local chavs as a protest vote instead. To be honest, I felt cleaner as a result".

Newly-appointed Health Minister Andy Burnham attempted to cast the Labour result in a more cheerful light, however. Speaking at the Manchester count, he said, "I think we can accept that this has not been a good set of results for Labour. But we have to look at the positives that we can find from this. While it's true that in this election, we were slightly less popular than syphilis, we have Gordon Brown as leader and he's getting on with the job. Doesn't that make you feel confident?".

In a separate development, the British Nazi Party won two seats, including a position for BNP leader Nick Griffin. So he's off to Brussels, and if we've got half a brain we won't let the racist fuckwit back into this country. Ever.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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