Written by Wire Piddle
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Friday, 5 June 2009

image for West Lothian Town Council Ready To Evict Susan Boyle
Nigel McGillicuddy - West Lothian Councillor

West Lothian, UK - West Lothian, the town that nutured Susan Boyle through childhood to the point where she became an international singing sensation and Britain's Got Talent celebutant, is very proud of her. But they're also getting ready to evict her from her council-owned residence.

Said Nigel McGillicuddy of the town council, "Och aye, it's a body hin' tae be destitute an' impoverished an' in need ay a place tae bide but it's quite anither tae be a multi-millionaire singer tae be livin' oan a public handit. It's time we as cooncil cut uir losses an' ran. Susan Boyle can fend fur herself noo. She's got aw kinds ay friends an' acquaintances in th' graphite loons business an' high finance an' fowk 'at jump when she whistles.

"We dornt need 'er type aroond haur, crowdin' th' place up wi' cultural types fa loch late nicht parties an' causin' disturbances in th' wee hoors ay th' morn. Nae. it's time we pit uir fit doon; cut Susan Boyle loose is whit Ah say."

Town council could not confirm or deny whether they would be taking legal action against Ms. Boyle at this time. Ms. Boyle is believed to have left The Priory Hospital in London and is currently resting at the private residence of a Mr. Simon Cowell in Barbados.

"Barbados! Barbados! Oh Ah hiner she burns th' flesh aff 'er erse ain gits a braw case ay sain crabs."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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