Written by Incoming Dessert
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Topics: chickens, UK, plague

Thursday, 4 June 2009

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The vast majority of the population of England is barricaded in the south today, as a seemingly unstoppable wave of poultry sweeps through the country. Similar reports are coming in from the rest of the UK- Scotland has evacuated to the Orkneys, Ireland can only hold 5% of their country, and Wales are only protected by mountains making access difficult.

The mass of chickens is getting more and more dangerous, and only a rapid response from the army managed to stop them taking over completely. However, as chickens become bolder, and more and more begin to dare the perimeter, it seems only a matter of time before they break through. As people cower in fear, leading scientists are trying to work out what caused the plague. And, more importantly, how can we stop it?

The chicken plague began two nights ago, when a small Scottish town was wiped out by a colony of angry chickens. They spread quickly, forcing mass evacuations, with refugees running away as fast as possible. As they pushed further south, eventually an armed response was put together, and in a vicious fight, the chickens were repelled. Barricades were put up, people settled into camps, and armed watches were posted.

"These things... they're not like normal chickens," said one survivor, who witnessed the slaughter of his village, "They're killers! They jump up and claw you and beak you and... they're evil!"

Strong words indeed, and as more refugees stagger into camps, some of their wounds are utterly horrific. Several bear ritualistic markings of the Great Cockerel, suggesting that some of these birds are gaining intelligence, and marking their victims as a way of instilling terror.

"These things are tough, but they can't win," says Polly Tree, an ex chicken farmer, "We're humans, we don't give up easily. And there's no danger of starving in the camp. Not with all these chickens about..."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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