Written by Jaggedone
Print this

Thursday, 4 June 2009

image for Spoof writers form new "Loony, Non-Political, Headbanging Party" for contesting next GB election!
A jurassic fossil of the past as Spoof writers dramatically change the face of non-political Britain!!

The UK is preparing for the most astonishing non-political revolution, which will change the face of Britain forever.

Some Spoof writers are totally fucked off with corrupt politicians, weak policing, crime, gays, Iraq, Afghanistan, poverty, the rest of Europe, the rest of the world and last not least the new US "Messiah"!!!

They have formed the "Loony, Non-Political, Headbanging Party GB" and will contest the coming election with non-political, common sense directives. Their theme song is Anarchy in the UK by The Sex Pistols (fuck on johnny Rotten)!

Most important non-political, no right/left or middle and very loony, directives are:

    a) The House of Commons is to become a brand new state of the art hospital for everyone, especially the poor and wretched in the UK/to be financed by present corrupt MP'S giving their bent expenses back to the state!

    b) MP's and all ministers will move to a council estate in Peckham, the poor people living in the flats will be given the present, corrupt MP's/Ministers, unpayable posh London apartments, including Downing Street, etc.

    c)National health imbecilic CEO's will be fired and replaced by intelligent managers, all nurses/doctors will have their pay raised by a 100%, financed by the leftover, astronomic salaries of the fired, useless CEO's!

    d) For all hoodie vandals/hooligans conscription will be reintroduced, they will be sent off to the Yorkshire moors for survival training, then shipped off to crisis areas to learn what real life is about, respect maybe! (financed by savings made not clearing up the damage that they would normally perpetrate!)

    e) The old, mentally handicapped, sick children and ill would receive new hospitals and care homes financed by a cutting of the idiotic WOMD/space programmes, prestige projects (e.g. overdrugged bullshit Olympics) which benefit absolutely no-one except those who believe and profit from the bullshit!!

    f) Mega-rich useless aristocrats, royals, corrupt CEO's and billionaires will give up 75% of their possessions for worthy causes and become leaders and examples for the less fortunate instead of constantly showing off their poncy Rolls Royces, massive mansions and fancy lifestyles!

These are just a few non-political directives, which will hit Britain like a force 8 earthquake.

Spoof writers will certainly win the election hands down and are already queing up for RT.Hon Minister positions including:

Monkey Woods = RT.Hon Yorkshire Ripping Minister/ portfolio includes hunting useless hoodie vandals/hooligans over the Yorkshire Moors SAS style!

    Skoob99 - Rt.Hon, Minister of Sport/Footy/Footy and even more Footy!

    Victor Nicholas - Rt Hon. Minister for brilliant one-liners!

    Jesus Budda - RT.Hon, Chief Whipper and Execution Minister.

    Jaggedone - Rt.Hon, Utopian Dreamer, just about to wake up and return to reality, fuck me I had a dream!

Make Jaggedone's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 1 multiplied by 3?

8 3 23 20
48 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more