Pint-size Communities Lunatic Hazel Blears, whose shock resignation from the Cabinet today has thrown the Government into even further disarray, has revealed her reasons for quitting.
Speaking at a Press Conference, Blears announced that she took the decision to leave following 'an irrestible approach' from legendary Hollywood movie studio Disney.
Blears, 2'11", squeaked, "While my first love is obviously politics, not many people know that my second is amateur dramatics. In my University days I was involved in several major productions. I played Iago's codpiece in Othello, and I gave my Bottom nightly for two months - and it was very well-received, I might add - in a production of Midsummer Night's Dream."
Blears perkily added, "of course my XXX movie 'When The Blears Blows (featuring John Prescott and a cast of thousands)' is still highly-ranked on the Hamburg DVD charts. So I'm delighted and thrilled to get this chance to go mainstream and become a big star!"
A spokesman for Disney pictures said that Ms Blears had been cast to appear alongside Verne Troyer in an upcoming live-action remake of "Chip'n'Dale, Rescue Rangers". He added that negotiations for the former Cabinet Minister to play a Smurfette and act as a Munchkin in a planned re-imagining of 'The Wizard of Oz' were proceeding well.
Officials from HM Revenue & Customs said that they were monitoring developments 'with interest - much the same as is accruing on her CGT bill'.