The faded television personality Esther Rantzen has unexpectedly withdrawn from her (doomed) quest to become an M.P. following a shock refusal from her teeth to be party to this charade. Calling a shock news conference to deliver the shock news her teeth said it was high time they were counted because as such a prominent facial feature they felt their voice was not being heard.
Ms Rantzen herself said she was in shock at this shocking news which had come as a complete shock to her. She however informed her shocked audience that she had been speaking with her teeth late into the night - and had been shocked at their determination to abandon her quest to regain her former glory.
Other ex-presenters of That's Life, including the long dead Cyril Fletcher (he of the boring monologues) rallied to her side, saying this was a complete shock etc, etc.
Cyril Fletcher, speaking through dead medium Doris Stokes who was speaking through live medium Elsie Sludge recited some of his obscure verses - boring all but the most hardened of the press - who registered their shock.
It is believed from various totally made up sources that Ms Rantzen will now attempt a world record bungee jump before re-applying to go back into the Jungle with Ant & Dec to contemplate her next move.
Her spokesman said he was in a state of complete shock.