Prime Mincer Gordon Brown said today he would not step down, despite polls showing NuLieBore could slump to a humiliating (and well-deserved) last place in European Elections this week.
Brown, struggling to assert any authority after the MPs expense scandal, the recession he caused and having Hazel Blears in the Cabinet, Brown insisted that he would stay in the job, and that nobody could make him leave before his work was done.
Sources in Downing Street confirmed that the PM has barricaded himself into the Cabinet Office, chained himself to the conference table, fitted himself with a catheter and armed himself with a battery of Nokia mobiles to repel all attempts to remove him from the office he considers his destiny.
Speaking via a video-link, the Prime Minister said, "It is right that I stay on. I'm ssstaying on to do the job I need to do. It'sss mine. I waited ten yearssss for my Preciousss Prime Minissssterssship. Itss Mine. MINE! Thosse nasssty Milliblandsss, Johnssssonsss and Cameronsss won't take my Preciousss, will they, Preciousss? We Hatessss Conservativessss , Cabinetssss and Electionsssesss!
The PM is widely expected to face further challenges to his leadership following the European Elections, which are to take place on 4 June. Recent opinion polls place NuLieBore in last place on 4%, behind the 'Shoot All The Darkies Rampant Raving Racist Party'.