Louis Saha scored after 25 seconds at Wembley, but then the cup final descended into the realms of mediocrity. (Louis Saha just completely buggered up my story)
In what probably would have been a boring stalemate, with Chelsea being negative and Everton being the People's Champions, although which people, they failed to specify.
Then, cue total chaos as Andres Iniesta, Xavi, Lionel Messi and Sam the man Eto'o invaded the pitch and popped a couple of goals in, just to prove once and for all that Barcelona are currently the greatest team on the planet.
The Barca quartet then left the field, waving a flag which said 'Britain's Got Talent Is Really Shit And So Are Manchester United.'
Thierry Henry was last seen at a barbecue in Swindon.
Ultimately, Chelsea won the most boring cup final in living memory. We all wish Barcelona had turned up, but then they'd have only taken the piss. What an anticlimax to the season.