Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 28 May 2009

image for Susan Bloody Boyle In Four Letter Word Rant At Police
Performing Dog - Not Ruled Out As An Option

Hairy angel, Susan bloody Boyle, who is not as good at singing as she'd have us all believe showed true diva class by throwing a wobbly at her Wembley hotel yesterday.

The 'never been kissed' (now there's a surprise) diminutive Jockinese crooner reportedly threw her toys out of the pram at the hotel bar after seeing failed newspaper editor Piers Morgan heap praise on Shaheen Jafagholi, an irritating twelve year old who also operates under the illusion that he can sing.

"Fucking wanker!" Boyle allegedly yelled at the hotel TV set as Morgan praised Jafagholi, before storming off to her room in a strop.

A friend told us:

"She's in love with Piers, and she thinks the feeling is mutual. She feels he's betrayed her. She talks all the time about playing a game of 'hide the salami' with Piers. Who knows, it may happen."

And if it doesn't, and she doesn't win the contest?

"We're not too concerned about that," the friend told us. "We've had a six figure offer from a website if she'll suck off a Shetland Pony. On camera."

Boyle was last seen asking two community police officers if they knew who she was. And swearing a lot.

In her defence, she was very drunk.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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