She spent over £1,000 of taxpayers money on a photo shoot in an attempt to glam up her image by posing with a haystack, but now Conservative MP for Bromsgrove, Julie Kirkbride, has finally bowed to public pressure and proffered her resignation. PROVIDING THE PRICE IS RIGHT.
Kirkbride, who was found to be abusing the system on an unprecedented scale told party leader David Cameron that she'd get out of his face and stop being an embarrassment if the party would give her a Bugatti motor, a Mayfair apartment, a lifetime supply of free lunches, twenty cases of Bollinger, and £1m in cash. Cameron is said to be considering the offer, but will reportedly decline trying to make the ugly old trout look glamorous.
In related news, Labour MP for Luton South, Margaret 'Dry Rot' Moran has also thrown in the towel after being harangued by toothsome celeb Esther Rantzen for claiming for dry rot treatment on a house in Southampton on expenses and looking utterly ridiculous in an orange two-piece at Ascot.
This reporter would like to point out that he is open to bribes, bungs, freebies, and clandestine motorway service station meetings as long as they involve large amounts of cash stuffed in brown envelopes.