Written by Roy Turse
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Thursday, 28 May 2009

image for Burglar Bill to stand for Parliament
That's a nice ministerial motor - I'll 'ave that.

Following the recent announcements by several celebrities that they were going to stand against discredited MPs, another famous character has decided to throw their hat into the ring.

Step forward Burglar Bill, best known from his adventures by Allan and Janet Ahlberg.

Burglar Bill is a reformed crook. He used to steal everything he ever used. Every day he would eat stolen beans on stolen toast, wear stolen slippers and sleep in a stolen bed. And every night he would go out to steal the things he wanted.

"That's a nice second home with all expenses paid," he would say, "I'll 'ave that."

Or "That's a very nice solid silver gravy train. I'll 'ave that."

Or "That's a nice nest that someone's been feathering for themselves - I'll 'ave that."

But then he met his wife-to-be, Burglar Betty. And he accidentally stole a baby. Bill and Betty decided to give up their life of crime and give back all the things they had stolen.

As a result, Burglar Bill now believes he has the ideal remit on which to stand for Parliament, and he is fully supported by his wife.

As he said to reporters this morning, "That's a very nice job where people have made up laws for themselves and avoided tax and got stuff for free and made a profit from lying and been open to bribery and hidden the evidence - I'll 'ave that. But I won't do all those things, because I've turned over a new leaf."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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