London - (Bogota Ass Mess): The seizure of 684 kilos of cocaine in a Highgrove House 'Man & Van' in the Pont d'Alma Mater underpass where Princess Diana died has totally scuppered Prince William and Kate Middleton's royal wedding ambitions.
This morning's £30 million bust by Paris gendarmes is the biggest ever on mainland France, Interpol said today.
It is believed the haul was orchestrated in an earlier Caribbean 'state visit' by Prince Charles and Camilla before being brought by KGB submarine to the Spanish port of Cadiz where it was picked up by Highgrove flunkeys.
UK Drug Squad officers are negotiating with their French Connection counterparts for a major slice of the booty proceeds under the Confiscation of Badass Substances Act.
Prince Harry's own civil partnership with Guy Pelly could now be upgraded to a C of E blessing in Wormwood Scrubs Nonces Wing chapel, as royal spokesman commented.