Written by Frank Cotolo
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Topics: London, History

Sunday, 4 July 2004

image for The real Brando, by Brit friend and author
Marlon Brando, a true freak.

LONDON - British author Scorn St. Peters says, "Marlon Brando will go down in history as the man whose sexuality and rebellious attitude screwed up acting forever."

Brando died on July 2 and St. Peters is about to release a biography that he worked on with the actor who St. Peters says he knew for decades.

"He was a balding, middle-aged failure. He is believed to have fathered 11 children and slept with hundreds of women, tens of them who loved me first.

"He had decades of psychoanalysis through the decades. Each of his shrinks said the same thing in phone calls to me. They said he was fat and stupid.

"He would wander from topic to topic, incongruously. He swore to me, for instance, that he was born with two heads.

"And he really never cared about the plight of the American Indians, the injustices of the U.S. legal system or the idiocy of film producers. He said he just acted that way.

"'They're stupid" he said about people who spent too much time grooming themselves. He also swore that Sophia Loren had bad breath.

"He was a horror show on legs."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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