Whitehall - The Queen has announced that all MPs, including PM Gordon Brown, are to be made redundant in the next federal election and replaced with farmyard animals. The Queen has faced enormous pressure from the public recently, to get rid of the corrupt, thieving, lying politicians. She has finally bowed to public pressure.
"One thinks these incompetent fools are ruining the reputation of Great Britain" said the Queen in an angry, yet posh voice. "So One has decided to exercise one's power as head of the monarch and cast these bastards out of parliament. One thinks that a chicken - even one without its head - could do a better job than Gordon Brown and his cronies."
The head of each constituent will be replaced by jersey cows, while the 26 back-benchers will be replaced by laying hens. The head of each of the main political parties will be replaced by mallard ducks and the Prime Minister will be replaced by a pig.
The decision was made after recent IQ tests were carried out on certain farmyard animals and it was found that they were, unsurprisingly, more intelligent than politicians.
"It is only fitting that Gordon Brown be replaced by a pig" said the Queen "a pig has far more intelligence, and doesn't stick his snout as far into the expenses trout as Gordon does. Pigs don't lie or ruin the economy either - and are much more respected by other world leaders. As for looks - well a pig, even one that has been rolling in the mud - is far easier on the eye than Gordon."
President Obama has welcomed the move and many other heads of state have also announced their delight. A survey carried out since the announcement has revealed Queen Elizabeth II is now the most popular head of state in the history of Britain.