Written by Lettuce
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Monday, 25 May 2009

image for Newspaper shows terrorists the best way to bomb Britain

Britain's leading smut peddler The News Of The World (NOTW), yesterday continued to show the worlds terrorists the best places to bomb in Britain, as well as the easiest way to gain entry. Yesterday two of its reporters, posing as two Middle Eastern businessmen gained entry to Buckingham Palace by bribing an underpaid manservant £1000 for entry.

The NOTW said: "We could have been al-Qaeda; we could have had a bomb, next time, johhny terrorist, it can be you!"

They published their step by step guide titled "How to bomb Britain". It includes the following chapters:

  • The best disguises to wear to get into places of importance, Palaces, Museums and Parliament.
  • Who to bribe and how much to pay?
  • How to get round background checks
  • Security weaknesses in official vehicles
  • How to find out travel plans of public officials.

A spokesman said: "For too long ordinary terrorists have struggled to bomb high profile places like palaces, which are literally full to the brim with royalty and have had to make to with bombing common folk on public transport. We hope with our guide it will open up the choices of places to blow yourself to smithereens at".

We asked the Buckingham Palace for a response to the story. John Smith, head of security said: "Complete and utter arsewipes. The lot of them can cock right off"

Meanwhile the general public of Britain were unmoved by the apparently shocking expose. Jim Jameson a bus driver from Surrey said: "Well, if they're going to blow someone up I'd rather it was Queenie than me just trying to earn a couple of bob. Preferably though, could they blow up a couple of MPs, I'm bloody sick of those slimy bastards".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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