Prince Philip today attended a garden party held by the British Notbritish Party, and told them to 'toughen up their ideas about Pakis and slitty-eyed Chinks'.
The head of state's husband, wearing his carefully-pressed Nazi uniform, had stopped at Harrod's on his way to the party, to tell Mohammed Al-Fayed he was 'a smelly, midget camel-shagger', and shouted 'Dago twits!' at an Italian restaurant his taxi was passing, and at the BNP party he immediately confronted their leader, Nick Niffin.
'Look, you fat bastard', the Prince said to that fat bastard, 'your so-called party are a bunch of effete amateurs! Stop bleating about the bush, just tell the Pakis and wogs you hate 'em! I do. And as for those Jocks and Taffs, they make me want to vomit, the insufferable, morose bunch of gits!'
'Bagpipe-playing, hymn-singing tosspots, I wish they would all bugger off to somewhere like Ireland, and die from some form of hideous potato famine there! Along with those dirty, Irish pigs!'
But Mr Niffin didn't quite agree with Prince Philip, saying 'Look, Your Wotsit, I mean, OK, the BNP obviously are a bunch of idiotic cranks, and about as British as Adolf Hitler was. And a pathetic joke, that even right-wingers in the UK laugh at.'
'It's just not the British way to pick on immigrant minorities, otherwise you'd be in trouble, hahaha! So, er, my party is a sort of vaguely anti-immigranty sort of mishmash of, er, well, anti-European, male, whites only, sort of thingummy. Or something.'
'Sounds like The Village People to me, you useless poofter, why don't you go and fight and win a war like I did against the Nazis, and stop talking out of the two arseholes you and your supporters all have! Now where's the shampoo?'
The Queen herself declined the BNP's invitation to the party, with a polite 'We have no interest in either the British Notbritish Party or in politics at all. We rule this country, and would prefer it if clowns like Mr Niffin would piss off to where the British would like them to be, either at the South Pole or preferably in an assisted suicide centre in Switzerland.'
Heinrich Himmler was unavailable for comment.