Written by matwil
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Saturday, 23 May 2009

image for Archbishop voices Church fears
The Sheep Party at prayer at Alan Shearer time

The Archbishop of Canterbury has warned that the 'systematic humiliation' of Church of England leaders is a threat to his own massive bank account.

Speaking from his local Conservative Party office, Dr Rowan Williams - a doctor in ridiculous beardology, and spouting-shite-about-things-he-knows-nothing-aboutism - said: 'Many will be wondering who I am, and why my annoying, bleating voice is enough to drive people to convert to Roman Catholicism. Or worse, to emigrate to Presbyterian Scotland.'

'And the rumour that the Anglican Church is just the Tory Party at prayer is totally and baaa ... I mean totally and utterly unfounded. Baaa ... back in the 1600s, when people like me were important, it maaattered what we said and did. Now we're about as newsworthy as 'Man Doesn't Get Savaged By A Dead Sheep' headlines, or Barack Obama's laaatest drivelling speech.'

The Archbishop, of course, was slightly exaggerating, when he mentioned the 'systematic humiliation' of Church of England leaders - 'feeble embarrassments' would be closer to the mark, or 'hypocrites who own shares in arms manufacturing companies, and call themselves Christians', or 'perverts that are part-time Catholics, and like having little boys in uniforms around their churches'.

Maybe Dr Williams should remember what happened to some of his predecessors, the 1600s is not so very long ago in the United Kingdom. And maybe Dr Williams should stop doing what the Conservative Party tells him to do. And pig 'flu might fly across the Sky News studios.

The ghost of John Knox was too busy marrying his teenage cousin to comment. More hypocrisy and bullshit as it arrives.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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