Broken man, Peter Andre today enlisted the help of a spoof.com reporting team to help him to hide from estranged wife, the formidable Jordan, who returned to the UK from the Seychelles to deal with the couple's increasingly acrimonious divorce.
Pete, visibly scared, and shaking a bit, begged us to find a place where he could hide in order to avoid the wrath of the surgically enhanced harridan.
We suggested that he should hide behind some nearby wheelie bins, but Pete quickly pooh-poohed the idea, claiming that Jordan would be able to find him on Google Earth, even if his face was pixellated out.
Thinking quickly, we bundled Pete into a car and hastily transported him to Basingstoke railway station and sat him down in the buffet bar. We told him to stay put until further notice.
Pete expressed concerns about how he could make a run for it should Jordan get wind of where he was hiding and step off a train.
We told him not to worry. Nobody ever goes to Basingstoke.
More as we get it.