Written by IainB
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Friday, 22 May 2009

image for Two Fingers given to Hazel Blears
Hazel Blears - after the incident

Disgraced Salford MP Hazel Blears was attacked by outraged constituents in Salford yesterday while attending local elections in her constituency.

Rowan Tree of the city of Salford used the last of his giro cheque to buy a four fingered Kitkat with the intention of throwing it at the MP at the centre of the Expenses row thanks to her spending eighty pence on a Kitkat whilst in a hotel.

However, having not eaten for three days, Mr Tree decided to throw just half of his Kitkat at Blears and eat the other half.

"What can I say?" Tree told reports as he was led away by thirty armed response police officers in riot gear. "I was hungry, and I quite like Kitkats."

The two fingered chocolate confectionery struck Blears a glancing blow across the forehead, leaving a brown smudge that sent titters of amusement through the angry mob.

Blears was unfazed by the incident. "I've been given two fingers plenty of times," she told reporters after Labour retained the seat. "And it could have been worse, it could have been a Kitkat Chunky - they hurt."

Neil Kinnock, former Labour leader got involved for no other reason than he hadn't been in the news for a while, and said: "MPs need to eat Kitkats too. They should give her a break."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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