Written by Skoob1999
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Wednesday, 20 May 2009

image for Cops Smash 'Girls Aloud' Kidnap Plot
SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!!

Armed police swooped on a house here in Bournemouth this evening in a dramatic dawn raid that was running a bit late and arrested a 34 year old man on charges of Conspiracy To Kidnap.

The man, named by family members as Denzil Mobius has a long history of mental illness. His brother, Dweezil, told us that Denzil made no secret of his plans to kidnap girl band Girls Aloud, but denied that his brother intended to kill the women.

Saying that he considered the whole bizarre plot to be a fantasy trip, little knowing that the plan had reached an advanced stage, Dweezil told us that Denzil's plan involved kidnapping the young women, anaesthetizing them, and then disabling their vocal cords by cutting them with sharp scissors. He went on to say that the band's so-called music caused his brother to suffer convulsions of revulsion which could be quite disturbing to witness.

"He just wanted to shut them up for ever," Dweezil told us. "To do the world a service by putting a stop to that bloody awful caterwauling."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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