Written by matwil
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Topics: David Cameron

Wednesday, 20 May 2009

image for Cameron says MPs must say 'We're so terribly, terribly sorry for stealing your taxes'
'We're so terribly, terribly sorry for helping to destroy the United Kingdom'

In a soft-hitting speech - that needed subtitles for those who weren't educated at Eton College - Conservative tea lady David Cameron said that MPs should say they were sorry for stealing millions of pounds from the British taxpayer.

Taking what looked like a copy of Marie Claire out of his pocket, he said: 'Look, OK, I mean. I'm just Tony Blair, only less nauseating, but somehow more ridiculous. At least Blair led a party that won elections, I just sound like your next door suburban neighbour's paper boy - you'd trust him, but you wouldn't expect him to be on TV, waffling childish crap about Parliamentary expenses. But we must say 'we're sorry', like kids caught stealing apples from their neighbours. That'll help.'

Given that the Labour Party was basically elected due to Tory 'sleaze' and corruption, it's been quite impressive that they've managed to top the Conservatives on expenses fraud, illegal wars, lying Ministers, even criminal property deals, but having 'Saint' Tony at the helm just about kept things under control - mainly because the country were united in despising him so much.

But now that the sinister Scottish duo Brown and Darling have taken over, it's adios Labour, bye bye socialism and honesty, goodnight Vienna, good night democracy, and time for the dissolution of the United Kingdom.

Then Scots - who fund the UK with massive oil, gas and whisky revenues - can say 'sorry' for destroying what was once the most impressive and law-abiding country in the world. Now run by scavengers and cheap crooks. But they won't say 'sorry' for leaving Messers Brown and Darling in London.

Good riddance to Corrupt Labour, and the feeble, even more corrupt Tories, and the feeble Liberals. You can keep them.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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