Written by Brendon Humperdink
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Topics: MPs, Expenses

Wednesday, 20 May 2009

image for Nick Clegg's Expenses Revealed
Ooh Nick, you are awful!

Nick Clegg's expenses list was today revealed, leaving him particularly red faced over the contents of his list.

Liberal Democrat leader Clegg (popularly known as Cameron Lite), who was previously known to be one of the few politicians with a clean expenses bill, will face a barrage of criticism in the House of Commons today after he spent £2000 of taxpayers money on Durex condoms.

Speaking to his wife Miriam, she defended her husband over this quite momentus cock up.

"Well, if you've got a husband who's had no less than 40 lovers, are you going to trust him in bed? I don't want to be riddled you know!"

The Conservative leader David Cameron was amongst those riled by the claims.

"Spending the taxpayer's money on rubber johnnys is simply unacceptable. The guy is taking us all for a ride - and this time it's not just his 40 lovers."

Prime Minister Gordon Brown, in a vain attempt to boost popularity, came out with what he perceived as a witty remark.

"He should take one of those french letters and pull it over his whole body, considering he is just one massive dick."

The remark was met with a typically lukewarm response.

With a history of alcoholism, rent boys and now overspending on condoms, this is one scandal the Lib Dems could have done without.

More to follow.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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