Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: Doctors, Yorkshire, eyes

Tuesday, 19 May 2009

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Keep Still You Bastards!

Doncaster man Isaac Hunt has lived with an extraordinary medical condition all his life, but until now has never felt the need to consult the medical profession. And now he has, doctors admit that they're baffled and completely at a loss as to how to treat him.

"It's his eyes," Doctor Phillip Phillips told us. "They're just a little bit weird. Mr Hunt has a lazy left eye, and a roving right eye, which in a nutshell means that looking him in the eye can be extremely disorientating and in some cases distressing. Look into his eyes and you get dizzy. They're just whirling around there in their sockets totally independent of one another."

Mr Hunt first consulted doctors when he started dating his girlfriend, Long Tall Sally Trundle, whose parents were rock and roll fans apparently. Miss Trundle couldn't look Hunt in the eye for very long before becoming dizzy and collapsing in a dead faint.

"It's a shame, because she really loves him," her mother told us.

"Loves him, yes..." her father added.

"It's a shame because I really love him," Long Tall Sally told us. "But I can't be doing with them eyes of his. I can't keep fainting every time I gaze lovingly into his madly spinning eyeballs, so I've told him to get something done about 'em or I'm off."

"Off, yes..." her father added.

The latest on Isaac and Long Tall Sally as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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