Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 19 May 2009

image for Assisted Suicide Bill Passed
Is that a standard and authorised knot?

With all the furore over MPs expenses, many will have not noticed that the Assisted Suicide Bill was passed in the House of Commons today.

The Catholic church noticed, and they are up in arms about the new bill that will allow terminally ill patients to have assistance in ending their torment.

"The original wording of the bill was obnoxious," said Arch Deacon Anton Deck, "but the amendments have pushed it too far!"

The amendments to the bill will see a panel of Assisted Suicide Enablers set up to oversee the suicide of those who request it.

Their remit goes beyond allowing drugs to be administered, the new Death Squad will travel the land giving a little push to people on bridges, ensuring that the gas is turned right up in the oven, checking the knots on nooses and kicking the chair away for those unable to do it for themselves. Where none of these facilities are available, then the panel can authorise the use of excessive drugs.

With an appropriate note, it will even be possible to buy more than two packs of paracetamol from the supermarket, although there will be a limit imposed on the amount of bleach able to be purchased in one transaction.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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