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Sunday, 17 May 2009

image for Prince Phillip Prompts Row Over Britain's Got Talent
Bloody Kids. I've Shit Em.

Prince Phillip started yet another right royal row over his no-holds-barred criticism of ITV favourite Britain's Got Talent. He panned the show as "Bloody appalling rubbish."

No stranger to controversy, the Prince revealed that he'd been all set to enjoy a quiet night in with Her Madge and the corgis when the talent show popped up on the television.

"The old girl was enthralled, grinning and laughing and clapping along with the music. She seemed to enjoy it but I just thought it was the worst show I'd seen since some native chappies did a bit of a rum dance on some Pacific Island or other. This so-called talent show was equally bloody boring."

So was the Prince impressed with the show's two big hits, 12 year old dancer Aidan Davies and 10 year old Natalie Okri, who sang an Alicia Keys hit to the great approval of judges and audience alike?

"I sometimes wonder what's wrong with this bloody country," the Prince sighed. "It seems to be all about kids these days. Some bloody kid warbles a tune or prances about on a stage looking like a gay Fred Astaire and the great British public's collective hearts melt. It's bloody pathetic. And if it isn't bloody kids it's hairy Scotswomen or Taffy pizza deliverymen doing bloody Pavarotti impressions. I honestly don't know what the country is coming to."

Would the Prince watch BGT again?

"One would rather have a red hot poker stuck up one's arse," was the reply.

More if, and when, his arsehole has healed up.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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