Harriet Harman has announced a radical new plan to increase the number of women in senior positions in government, industry and the professions. Announcing the plan, she states that it is taking far too long for women to attain the top jobs. There needs to be an immediate drive to attain equality of numbers, and her scheme will address this issue.
The policy document states that gender reassignment will be introduced to give top male people the opportunity to become women. Although voluntary at the outset, it could become compulsory if targets are not met. Ms Harman states that it should be regarded as an honour to be admitted to the sisterhood. Her view is that men have failed in so many ways, and a radical shake up is needed.
She goes on to say "It has been widely recognised that men should be replaced entirely, thus allowing women to take charge of the world. This is the right policy at the right time".
Asked what the Prime Minister thought of the idea, she replied, "I didn't ask him. I will be in charge soon anyway".
One top judge, hearing of the plan stated that he would volunteer. "I do hope that they will redesign the wigs and robes. Bright red is not really my colour, and those wigs are far too coarse. "
A leading banker was also ecstatic, "I can now retire at sixty, and enjoy my ill gotten gains even earlier. Stuff the knighthood, and what a great disguise. I can go out now without the threat of being lynched".
There were one or two criticisms however. Sir Albert Saccharin, ex-top crap electronics boss, now TV's pretend employer of knob-headed business dropouts, said the plan was "total bloody b*llocks". This criticism was dismissed by Ms Harman who said that it was typical of him to state the blindingly obvious.
Commenting further, she stated "I hope the bill will become law before the next election. I must be off, I have a pressing engagement to explain that I did not claim £22,000 expenses for cosmetic surgery". Journalists present expressed the view that they did in fact believe her.