Opposition leader David Cameron, shaking with rage at some of his colleague's expenses claims, has vowed to "kick their heads in" if they fail to repay the claims.
The Eton educated millionaire, who claimed £680 for a big stick to jab a jammed juvenile chimney-sweep, told the Spoof that he was prepared to hit some of his colleagues so hard they'd have to reach up to fasten their shoelaces.*
Asked whether he regretted his own expense claims, Mr Cameron shook his downcast head and said: "I've had some of my old Eton chums flog my naked body as a punishment. You can't imagine how that made me feel."
Amongst the claims for which Mr Cameron is punching the walls are:-
Alan Duncan - £5000 for being driven around London in a pink stretch limousine.
Michael Gove - £7000 for a caravan home.
Oliver Letwin - £2000 for tennis balls.
George Osborne - £440.62 for a spoon.
Each of the above MPs confirmed that Mr Cameron had visited his home, kicked down his door and threatened to whip him roundly if he repaid his expense claims quickly.
* Mr Cameron would like to thank Jack Regan for inspiration.