London - (Whorticultural Tremors Ass Mess): Next week's eagerly awaited Chelsea Flower Show has been cancelled after the Royal Hospital showground was trashed by giant subterranean worm-like crawlers.
Hundreds of the marauding 50ft long annelids have turned the Flower Show site into a bombsite after escaping from a bespoke Mayfair abattoir supplying Buckingham Palace butchers Spewhursts.
The royal meat mongers had recently been accused of selling suspicious-looking beef fillet stake to the Queen and charging £500 a kilo for her delectation.
The huge earthworms' existence had long been suspected after the Porton Down National Poisons Unit was found guilty of genetically manipulating a can of brandlings and mating them with pygmy African boa constrictors.
"Someone must have left the slaughterhouse back door open," London police sources commented today, "resulting in a Colditz-like escape of hundreds of the slimy little buggers."
As Showground officials struggle to contain the disaster a vast crater has now appeared close by next door at the Chelsea Barracks site, scene of the controversial Qatari-financed luxury brothels development.
Militant vegan paranoiacs now run the Palace of Westmonster soup kitchens.