Whitehall, London - An unnamed and unshamed MP has been caught by the government watchdog Evil Politicians We Hate You (EPWHU) trying to claim the purchase of a small island in the Carribean on his expenses. The MP claims it is all above board.
The MP was asked to write a 400 page essay on why he claimed the island, which is currently called Jamaica, on his latest expense sheet. Somewhat arrogantly, the MP explained that the island was part of his consistuet, the London Borough of Brent. He went on to say that there were so many Caribbean people living in Brent he was entitled to the island. He claimed he needed the island so that he could visit the place over winter months and "get in touch" with the people, "get a feel" for their culture; "get a great tan" like his local Brentonians.
The explanation was rejected by the EPWHU, and he was asked to submit a new explanation, to which the MP wrote "Because I can."
While this explanation was also rejected by the EPWHU, it was deemed acceptable by the House of Commons and the anonymous MP is also planning to buy an island off the coast of Australia, an entire town in South Africa and possibly even the whole of Poland, giving the same reasons as he did for purchasing the Caribbean island.
The MP was last seen having a beer and a fag with a bunch of Australians and Kiwis at The Walkabout in Shepherds Bush, laughing about how he "got one over" the EPWHU and all the taxpayers of Britain.
Well I am British-Australian and I can assure you Mr Politician I am not amused!