The breakdown of the Jordan/Peter Andre marriage which rocked the showbiz fraternity yesterday was given an added twist today when a clearly distraught Pete was seen outside the family residence pleading to be granted custody of one of Jordan's breasts.
"They were mine," he drooled. "Now we've split up I should be entitled to half of everything. I'm entitled to a tit and I'll pursue that claim through the courts if necessary. For God's sake, doesn't a man need something to snuggle up to in the wee small hours? You wouldn't want to snuggle up to that acid tongue of hers, so asking for one tit seems perfectly reasonable."
The Aussie singer, who first found fame by marrying Jordan is not renowned for anything in particular, other than marrying the world's most famous tits.
"He had his head turned," his Mum told us. "I'm sure he'll get over it. Now could you leave the family alone at this sensitive time?"
In a word Mrs A, "No."