Health Secretary Alan Johnson has today confirmed that anti Government feeling throughout the country has officially reached Level 6, or pandemic level.
Mr Johnson, dressed in an anti-stab vest and speaking from a sealed outer annexe, told a hostile press conference that the change had been made after Gordon Brown had come home from Parliament in tears after after being taunted and teased and said, 'They all hate me. It's just so unfair!'
Dislike of the Government reaches 'pandemic' proportions when ill feeling is verbally passed from one person to another in more than a dozen key marginals. It's clear that stage has easily been reached with New Labour support in the polls down to around 23% and falling like an MP's second home allowance.
Asked what measures the Government would be taking to tackle the pandemic, Mr Johnson said stocks of Government propaganda were at an all time high and over the course of the next twelve months every home in the land would be receiving dozens of leaflets in time for the next General Election.