Written by Roy Turse
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Monday, 11 May 2009

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There was growing concern in Westminster today as reports came in of large numbers of Cavaliers approaching the city. It seems that disenchanted citizens have banded together following the revelations about MPs' expenses and are marching on parliament. Their stated aim is to depose the government, dissolve parliament by force and restore an autocratic monarchy to govern the country.

The approaching groups mainly consist of flamboyantly dressed young men with long curly hair brandishing swords. Many are on horseback, and some are thought to be carrying matchlock pistols and muskets.

The police, who originally dismissed the growing crowds as "a few rowdy Spandau Ballet fans" are known to be securing the approaches to Westminster Palace. MPs and Members of the Lords are believed to have locked themselves into their chambers, and have called upon the armed forces to provide them with protection. The army's response has been to send in the Second Battalion of the Royal Gurkha Rifles.

Following a meeting with the Cavalier's leader Russell Brand yesterday, it is understood that Joanna Lumley is on her way to Buckingham Palace to petition the Royal Family to take charge of the country. She is hoping that The Queen will be able to intercede and dissolve parliament and thus avoid the inevitable bloodshed of an armed parliamentary confrontation.

Her attempts may prove to be in vain, however, as the latest reports say that Cavalier forces have broken the city perimeter and there are accounts of gallows being erected on Whithall in front of the statue of Charles 1st.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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