Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: Penis, vagina, Largest

Monday, 11 May 2009

image for Man With World's Largest Penis and Woman With World's Largest Vagina Snapped Up By ITV
We're Gonna Need A Longer Tape Maurice!!!

Following their sensational sacking last year, the Man With The World's Largest Penis and the Woman With The World's Largest Vagina have been snapped up by ailing media giant Indiscriminate Television Corporation. (ITV)

In an astonishing U-turn, ITV executives, faced with a massive slump in advertising revenue and swingeing cutbacks in production values contacted the pair and offered them a new contract in a bid to lure back viewers and stimulate advertising revenue.

The Man With The World's Largest Penis told me:

"I've just been chilling out for a few months in Dubai. Catching some rays, chatting to the ladies. It's been quite uneventful really, apart from the day I was on the beach in my thong and I got a twitch when some buxom chick walked by. The Dubai cops were all over me like a rash but we sorted it out fairly quickly and everybody was happy. No charges were pressed. Then I heard about the offer and I was, like, wow! I'm due to attend a meeting in London tomorrow. Looking forward to it."

The Woman With The World's Largest Vagina was equally pleased, as she gushed from her Cotswold hideaway:

"It came right out of the blue to be honest. I thought my TV career was over, so I became a recluse for a while, out here in the country, just me and the horses. It was an unexpected surprise to get the letter, but hey, I'm as up for it as ever."

ITV Executive, Warren Truelove told me:

"I know it's a real U-turn on our part, but we've been watching genitalia related media activity and found that there's more interest in such subject matter than ever before. So we took the bull by the horns and made them an offer. You could say we've totally sacrificed our artistic principles on the altar of sex and greed, but artistic integrity doesn't sell advertising slots. Whereas outsized pricks and pussies obviously do."

The South Bank Show will become known as the South Wank Show, and Loose Women shall be rebranded as Slack Vadge Chit Chat.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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