Whitehall, London - Prime Minister Gordon Brown has announced he is raising taxes "on a temporary* basis" to pay for his upcoming birthday bash.
Brown is turning 60 in two weeks time and wants a party to end all parties. He has already drawn up the guest list, which includes long-term bosom buddy George W Bush, Obama Barrack, Kevin Rudd, Nicholas Starvosky and a couple of Hollywood Big Names - Dianne Keaton and Henry Winkler. Henry Winkler has been requested to come dressed as his most famous character, The Fonz, from Happy Days and will be performing magic tricks for all the guests. He is being coached by the world's greatest illusionist Derren Brown, a distant relative of the Prime Minister's. And by distant I mean his half-brother.
Taxes are set to increase as from tomorrow and will raise from the standard 21.5% to 49.5% for average income earners. Not-for-profit organisations such as political parties and banks will be exempt from the new tax.
Brown has recently conducted a country-wide survey asking the citizens of Britain what they want the most. He was delighted and flabbergasted with the resounding result that the selfless British people just want their Prime Minister "to be happy".
Brown blushed as he revealed the results of the survey and said he was going to make his people proud by throwing the biggest, most recession busting party the world had ever seen.
The party will be broadcast live on BBC1 on Saturday 23rd May. People are encouraged to send presents and cards to No. 10 Downing Street. The Book of Congratulations is also available for the public to sign at the entrance to Westminster Abbey.
* According to Her Majesty's Revenue & Customs Tax Guide the term "temporary" in tax law is equivalent to the amount of time humans have been on this earth in comparison to the age of the universe.