Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 9 May 2009

image for BGT - Flatulist Given Bum's Rush
Mr Methane (out of shot) Practicing On Southampton Docks.

Britain's Got Talent got off to a spectacular start this evening with an act who called himself Mr Methane and described himself as a flatulist.

Which basically means that he farts tunes. Out of his arse. A bit like the old time French entertainer La Petomaine, who did something similar, only better, and who was once portrayed by the late Leonard Rossiter in an eponymously titled obscure film.

The BGT audience appeared to warm to Mr Methane, until he lay on his back on a table on stage and stuck the microphone by his arse. It was at this point that the audience started holding their noses and the opening bars of The Blue Danube Waltz by one of that Strauss mob floated in the air.

Some not entirely in tune farting followed, although the timing was immaculate. The flatulist was rejected by the judges but didn't seem deterred.

"Mum always used to warn me that I'd follow through one day," he told us. "But it hasn't happened yet."

Judging by the contortions on Mr Methane's face as he squeezed them out, we would suspect that it won't be long.

More when he shits himself. It's inevitable really.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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