Doctors today injected Gordon Brown with a dose of the swine 'flu virus, in an attempt to save the beleaguered Labour leader's career.
Speaking from Downing Street, the Prime Minister said: 'Banking crises, mortgage problems, job redundancies, continuing to send soldiers to the Middle East - all of these should have lead to me getting the sack. And indeed I was just about to get the dreaded vote of confidence from Buckingham Palace, when a doctor came up with a brilliant way to keep me at Number 10.'
'He gave me a dose of the 'flu with a syringe, and now everyone's forgotten all about banking crises, mortgage problems, job redundancies, and continuing to send soldiers to the Middle East.'
Though he admitted he got the idea from Barack Obama's own physician, the President's case of influenza quickly made unpopular and unwanted wars, his total lack of any policies, his own continuation of sending troops to die in foreign countries, and the size of his wife's rear end all disappear from the news. OK, not his wife's large posterior, that could only disappear after a year on a 'Thinfast' diet.
This is not the first time world leaders have used doctors to boost their ratings, and to help people forget that they're usually the worst possible choices to be such leaders, and to forget all the mistakes they keep making.
George W. Bush got regular injections of GobbleDGook, and that chemical makes people talk nonsensical drivel, and made the public laugh so much that they ignored Bush leading his country into fighting pointless wars and multi-billion dollar banking frauds.
'Well', the former President said, 'them injectives sure made me feel good. I used to wander round America, grinning and talking garbage like a demented baboon on cocaine and whiskey! It was a lotta funs ... funnies ... and, er, funny how I can't remember anything about them fourteen years. Or them GobbleGCrooks.'
Alastair Darling will also be having a 'flu injection next week - expect the newspapers to talk about nothing else.