Written by Bluebella
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Tuesday, 5 May 2009

image for Unemployed woman gets paper cut and sues Job Centre
Miss Ludger wasn't happy with her £500/week in benefits, but will certainly be happy with her £300 grand compensation

Bristol, England - An unemployed mother of four children (with five different fathers) has announced she is suing Job Centre, after attaining a paper cut whilst filling out a form. The 18 year old who has never had a job and has been permanently pregnant for the past 4 years accumulated the said paper cut last Thursday, while attending her weekly Job Centre appointment.

"I was just starting to fill in the forms" said Belinda Ludger, "when I lowered my index finger slightly. I then felt this sharp pain vibrate through my entire body. I looked down and saw a slight laceration and a tinge of blood. I knew KNEW without a doubt it was paper cut - and a nasty one at that. Even though I was in great agony, pound signs started flashing around my brain like lightbulbs going on and off, on and off, on and off."

Miss B Ludger then decided to sue Job Centre for £300,000 for "pain & anguish, emotional distress and loss of income."

"I can't work anymore" Miss Ludger said sadly "and I love working. I've had to get my four year old daughter to do all the housework, and my three year old son to do the cooking and washing. Not only that, I have to get my mum to go into Job Centre to collect my benefits cheques - I just can't face the place anymore. There goes my livelihood! The 300 grand will not make up for the distress I suffered upon seeing that hideous laceration and the blood squirting out like a horror movie, but it will help me get back on my feet."

The woman has hired Mrs Cherie Blair as her lawyer. The case goes to trial early June and Miss Ludger is expected to win the case.

Well good luck with that B Ludger - I'm sure you won't need it though!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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