Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Police

Monday, 4 May 2009

image for Stourbridge Masked Mob Run Over Copper
They saw it all

Stourbridge, normally a calm and peaceful West Midlands beauty spot, was a hive of police activity today, as hundreds of officers converged on the town to investigate an incident involving a masked gang who ran over a beat cop without stopping.

PC Albert Fick, of the West Midlands force, was trampled underfoot, as the masked gang he had under surveillance, turned on him, knocking him to the ground and running over him several times.

The incident happened in front of dozens of bewildered simple country folk out for a Bank Holiday stroll. One eyewitness, Donald Crudd, told our reporter:

"We saw this masked gang looking in a shop window at baby clothes. They weren't doing any harm, but then this policeman sidled up to them and said something. Well, it all happened in a flash!"

Mr Crudd's wife, Betty, takes up the story.

"Well, it all happened in a flash! Suddenly, they pushed the officer to the ground, and all ran over him. He was black and blue. You could see where they'd stood all over his tunic! The little horrors!"

PC Fick was later said to be shaken up and a bit run down.

Detectives are now hunting three masked men with size 8 feet, and two with size 9s.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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