Written by Stu B
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Topics: Meat

Wednesday, 30 June 2004

image for UK Govt Considers Banning Bans
Tony Blair in the Commons Today

Today it was revealed that the UK cabinet is considering banning the tasteless meat substitute known as Quorn.

"We figure that we have already pissed off the smokers so lets mix it up with the vegans as well" said Health Minister John Reid whilst tucking into a steaming plate of Faggots* during a press conference this evening.

Home Secretary Jack Straw also added to the debate by announcing a potential ban on sweating. "some people, and in particular those who have good anti perspirant really do find it objectionable." he said in his air conditioned office.

Anti perspiration orders could be issued to repeat offenders restricting the areas in which they are allowed to sweat.

Meanwhile Prime Minister Tony Blair was announcing in the commons that the 1622 Witchcraft Act that had been repealed in 1798 was to be reintroduced as soon as was considered praticable, and that Sir Richard Branson had been appointed the new Witch Tsar.

He then donned a long black hat with a large buckle on the front and addressed the 12 MP in the chamber as "Brethren"

Lib Dem Leader Charles Kennedy rose to oppose the bill but forgot his lines and ended up reciting three verses of "Dancing Queen before falling over and losing consciousness.

Basil Brush MP (UKIP) fiddled with his crotch and smiled at the speaker in a sinister manner before running from the chamber.

*Faggots are a offal based dish popular in the North East of England and should not be confused with a collective noun for homosexuals.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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