Children's cartoon character Peppa Pig and her entire family (Mummy Pig, Daddy Pig and brother George) have been slaughtered in the latest attempts by the UK government to prevent swine flu spreading.
In a statement to the Commons, Gordon Brown said: "We will take all the necessary measures to prevent swine flu reaching crisis level, which as we know from the press is when there are more than 16 sufferers showing mild symptoms in a population of sixty million. Unfortunately this has meant the culling of all fictional, unrealistically drawn, anthropomorphic porcine characters on children's tv."
The grim measure was reluctantly supported by MPs from all parties. One Tory MP said: "We have to do what we have to do. I would rather four cartoon pigs were butchered rather than see us reach the crisis levels of twenty people having a slight cough that can be easily cured with precription drugs."
A solicitor for Peppa Pig's family said: "We tried to obtain an injunction against this order, but to be honest it is quite difficult in the current climate of panic and fear and pestilence and suffering from a slight sniffle. In the end these characters didn't exist - better they die than the whole world"
Asked what had happened to the remains of Peppa Pig and family, Gordon Brown would not be drawn. However there are unconfirmed reports that Damien McBride was seen eating a badly drawn bacon sandwich